Pittsburgh has been a part of my life for many years. I have fond memories of going to Soldiers and Sailors weddings as a kid and the bad weather that always made weddings puke. I have no idea how long I’ve enjoyed all of the splendor Pittsburgh has to offer, but I know that at the end of summer I will say goodbye to this cruel mistress of a city and I am heartbroken.
It’s pretty surreal, but I’m graduating from college next week. It feels absolutely wrong, especially because I still am I don’t even know what homecoming is. I’m so excited to share my immense and bizarre knowledge with the unsuspecting citizens of Buffalo, NY via the City Year program, but saying goodbye to Pittsburgh will be a huge disappointment. Pittsburgh is something special. She is not like other girls. Hence, here are the top 10 things I will miss the most about her.
- Lawrenceville dogs
I have been blessed to spend time in most of the beautiful neighborhoods of Pittsburgh, and I noticed something delightful about one of them. Lawrenceville is just filled to the brim with adorable dogs. I love dogs. The people who walk the dogs always see me crawl over the dogs and bring them to me for a few pats. It is wonderful. I think I’ve mostly encountered doodles in what I call “Larryville,” which isn’t surprising since you can make candles and buy rolled ice cream too. You understand it. My favorite dog that I met in Larryville was a greyhound named Hank. Hank, if you read this don’t forget me.
- Thematic PAT buses
Port Authority and I are like lovers “The L-word.” It leaves me out in the cold all the time, both emotionally and literally, but I keep coming back to learn more. She also connects me with some of the strangest people I’ve ever met in my life, if only for a moment. Despite the raw anger I’ve felt every time I find myself waiting for a 54 that just never comes, I instantly soften as soon as I see a 71 covered in little hearts. I love art as much as I love public transport, and while I know it’s a stupid little capitalist venture, every time I fall prey to the pride buses. I think “how nice!” and then I write the same thing to my mother.
- Colorful locals
After 8 p.m., I had some of the most impactful interactions of my life on the sidewalk. I have a denim jacket with a rainbow painted on the back and a girl I had never met before came up to me while I was waiting for a bus and had a 15 minute chat with me about how to open an Etsy shop. I also had to tell a woman once that her breasts had completely fallen out of the underbust neckline in her dress, and she looked me in the eyes and said “YOLO”. Honorable Mention to the man who yelled at me from his car window just to say, “I see your soul.” I will miss that.
- Milkshakes
I don’t know if you noticed, but Pittsburgh is full of delicious milkshakes. We have the Milkshake Factory, Stack’d, Fudge Farm, Burgatory, Five Guys, and probably a bunch of others that I can’t remember. There are milkshakes everywhere. And are they all quite different from each other? Somehow? It is my dream come true. I am a boy and I came to the yard. Farewell is so sweet sorrow.
- Sorrento
Sorrento and I go way back. On my 19th birthday, I told my friends that I just wanted to go to Sorrento and take pictures in front of the Oakland mural, and I don’t regret that for a second. Sorrento was my favorite depression meal for an entire year. This ranch got me through some of the worst moments of my life like the time I slipped on ice and fell all the way down Bates Hill in front of someone and their parents and they laughed at me. The recipe has changed now, but me too, you know? It’s like we’ve changed together. I’m 22 now and Sorrento is finally on UberEats. It’s all very profound.
- Puccini
One of Sorrento’s neighbors also got me through many difficult times. Puccini hair design turned all of my bad hair choices into good ones. They gave me my first pixie cut and made my lesbian butch dreams a reality. Then I dyed this pixie cut orange because I was starting my quarterly crisis. I hated it so much that I cried in the bathroom in Posvar Hall – the best place to cry on campus – and then Puccini managed to fade it all out without all of my hair breaking off. They also didn’t make me feel like an idiot, even though I was and still am. Everyone there is so nice and I would trust them with my life because I already trusted them to give me an undercut. That is real.
- Multiple goals
I can’t explain enough to you why this makes me so happy. It’s just so nice to have multiple dollar coupons. Several cashiers who need to see me the worst. Look for multiple opportunities Squishmallows I don’t really want that, but I still look for it every time. Plus, I can accomplish all of these goals with PAT buses, which means I have multiple chances of actually driving what is covered in little hearts. I just think it’s neat.
- South Oakland architecture
I’m a design student, so I keep noticing the good designs that are all around us. Like thematic PAT buses. But I also notice the bad designs. Like most South Oakland apartments. It’s not even that the houses are ugly, they are just confusing. There are two houses across the street from me that are not connected but are literally two inches apart. Why? There are some duplex situations as well, but each side of the house looks completely different. What went into this election? I love the clutter of houses and all of the broken glass that surrounds them, but I’d just love to see the research photos.
- The basement of the cathedral
Speaking of design students: Most of this work took place in the basement of the cathedral. Not floor G with the Starbucks and strangely configured hallways, but the floor below which is home to several construction shops, a theater and sometimes a few birds. The cellar was my own little private man Oasis where I got to paint with some of my closest friends and favorite faculties and get burned with hot glue. Nobody seems to know it exists except for the random people who sometimes show up and ask to be in the theater in the middle of the day. And the birds. Somehow a lot of birds get in there. Seriously, this place and the people who visit have really made these last four years the best of my life and there is no one I’d rather avoid birds with.
- The Pitt News
This hurts. I have had a long and happy career with some of the nicest, smartest people I have ever met. This is my final Pitt News column, and I would like to sincerely thank everyone who ever took the time to read my words. I had so much fun laughing with you on Fridays and occasionally decorating you with a legitimate opinion. I will leave you with the advice that got me through college and will continue to get me through life. In the wise words of Paris Hilton: “Believe in yourself and … everyone is hot.”
Alex Dolinger is a senior theater artist with a minor in creative writing. They mainly write satire about how the world is going to end. You can write to them below [email protected].
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